College Football Week 4 PreviewSeptember 23rd, 2010
What Have We Learned?
What have we learned? College football, in its infinite wisdom, is always teaching us valuable lessons - lessons about discipline, teamwork, and perseverance. Lessons about love and loss. Lessons about life's myriad complexities. Lessons such as: Duke stinks at football. Alabama beat them by 59 on Saturday. In football. Not basketball. Or gymnastics. Or any other sport scored on a 100 pt scale. All in favor of Coach K Greco-roman wrestling Mark Ingram to settle whose Athletic Program is more dominant, say aye.
Where was I? Ah, yes. Football is deep and meaningful and metaphoric. You are a better person for having wasted your weekend watching it. I am too.
It's possible the most life-altering lesson of this weekend was: quarterbacks with dainty hair have some sort of cosmic advantage over the competition. Exhibits A and B: Nick Foles and Tom Brady. The Patriots loss on Sunday was an exception to the rule. For now, focus on Foles' goldi (luck-laden) locks. His Arizona Wildcats upset 9th ranked Iowa and climbed to 14th in the polls. Oregon (who, as Duke fans will proudly tell you, defeated Portland St. 69-0 on Saturday) is the only higher ranked Pac-10 team. What is hair's secret, you might ask? Nobody knows. What is known is that the only way to combat long hair is with longer, stronger, bigger hair. If Pittsburgh and New England meet in the NFL playoffs, I fully expect Troy Polamalu to tackle Tom Brady and braid his own hair into Tom's in an Avatarian act of submission.
If we don't witness the maneuver this weekend, it won't be for lack of exciting games.
#1 Alabama at #10 Arkansas
Sept 25, 7:30 PM ET
In its SEC opener, Alabama visits Arkansas before taking on #9 Florida and #12 South Carolina in the following weeks. If Alabama survives unscathed, they will be a near lock to play for the National Championship. It all starts with Arkansas, whose QB Ryan Mallett leads the league with 1,081 yards and 9 touchdowns in only three games. Alabama held him to 160 yards last year and will have use of Mark Ingram, who rushed for a 48 yard touchdown last week on his first carry since an offseason knee surgery.
#24 Oregon St. at #3 Boise St.
Sept. 25, 8:00 PM ET
Boise St. needs to do more than win against Oregon St. if they want a National Championship invitation. They must make minced meat of the Beavers and serve it to the BCS Committee on a silver platter. The Broncos won't face another ranked opponent all year. Oregon St.'s porous defense (453 yds allowed/game) will struggle to contain QB Kellen Moore in their second attempt to ruin a non-AQ Conference team's bowl hopes. They lost to TCU in Week 1 despite an always electric performance from RB Jacquizz Rodgers.
BONUS:: Top 15 Lady-Like Locks in the History of Sports:
ESPN's Bill Simmons on Tom Brady's Hair:
Simmons: "...a few weeks ago, all Patriots fans made a pact to pretend that Brady's 2010 hairdo isn't happening. We're going to ignore it completely - even if his hair catches fire during a game and a referee puts it out with a challenge flag - and play dumb whenever you bust our chops about it. Which will probably be often. Just know this is the last time I will mention No. 12's hair in 2010. In fact, what hair? Tom Brady changed his hair...?"